Marauder Morals
by SparxFlame
Summary: The Marauders decide to make a list of lessons they learned at Hogwarts for future generations. Only thing is, Moony the sane one isn't there to help them... Drabble fic. Discontinued.
1. Sirius Black Caffine Trouble

Disclaimer: I am a vegetarian. Is J.K.R veggie? No. Come on, you can put 2 and 2 together...  
Please?

A/N: Really, really random, I know. It was just this idea off the top of my head, so I wrote it down. I will ad some more, and turn it into a drabble fic. IF I get enough reviews... The future of fanfiction is in YOUR hands. Boy should the world be freaking out now.

**Sirius + Caffeine Trouble**

"Help me Moony, the evil carrots are after me!" Sirius ran down screaming from the dormitories. He threw himself behind Remus' chair, trembling.  
"The evil what?!" Remus shot up, book forgotten.

"Carrots, Mooney, carrots!" Sirius broke into fake tears, soaking the back of Remus' chair.  
"Enough with the sobbing already, Pads. Next time you yell at me, make it something important. I thought James was dying, or something." Remus picked his book up, and began to read again.  
"But… but Remy, the evil carrots!" whimpered Sirius. When he found he was being ignored, Sirius did three laps of the Gryffindor common room screaming, much to the delight of a few first years, who were the only people there. Everyone else, including James and Peter, were at lunch. Abruptly, Sirius stopped screaming. "I am going to lunch to eat some cheese." He announced. "Maybe if I eat cheese, the evil carrots will leave me alone. If so, the cheese shall herby be known from now onwards as the Benign Cheese of Healing." Remus sighed and followed Sirius out of the portrait hole. It did not seem fair to leave James with Sirius, especially as Sirius had had far too much black coffee that morning.

Down in the Great Hall, Remus took a handful of carrots and put them on his plate. "Remus! The evil carrots! NOOOOO!!" Ignoring Sirius, Remus bit into a carrot. Suddenly, he doubled over, clutching his stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick!" he groaned, before running out of the hall. "Think I should have told him we'd put puking spells on the carrots, rather than told him about Evil Carrots and Benign Cheese?" asked Sirius (on whom the coffee was beginning to wear off) as many other people ran from the hall, clutching their stomachs. "I think, dearest Padfoot," replied James, "that I should never, ever give you black coffee again, no matter how much you beg."

Remus was _so_ going to kill them.

Marauder Morals: Never, ever give Sirius coffee, even if it's decaf.

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	2. Are you my concience?

A/N Not updated for ages, don't kill me

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling does not write about Benign Cheeses of Healing. Nor does whoever wrote 'Finding Nemo'.

A/N Not updated for ages, don't kill me. I've been working on a big project (James' Greatest Mistake), so that's been taking up my time. Now I'm just writing, not posting so I should be able to update more often. I think there are another 3 of these waiting to be typed up, but I may add more. Enjoy!

**Are You My Conscience?**

Sirius Black was in trouble. Again. Filch had caught him writing _Padfoot Rox _on the trophy cabinets in permanent ink. Sirius had run for it and the chase had begun. Skidding to a halt, Sirius threw himself into a cupboard, and attempted to quieten his heavy breathing before Filch came. Rapid footfalls came closer… closer… and went past the cupboard. Sirius relaxed a bit, counted to fifty (giving Filch time to go away) and was about to open the door when a voice spoke.

"Sirius Black." Sirius spun round, trying (and failing) to see who was there. "Who are you?"

No answer.

"Are you my conscience?"

The voice seemed to think for a moment. "…Yes! I am your conscience. You don't listen to me much, do you?"

"Nope!" Sirius did not seem even remotely abashed.

"Well," the voice continued, "you are listening to me now, aren't you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, where you saying something?" Sirius had been staring into space. The voice sighed. "Hmm, never mind. Anyway, listen carefully. You know that prank you were going to play on Lucius Malfoy?"

"Yep. You aren't going to stop me from doing it, are you?" Sirius broke into fake sobs. "James is going to kill me! We've been planning that prank for weeks!" The voice sighed again, louder this time. Sirius rather thought it was getting annoyed. "No, I'm not going to stop you doing the prank. BUT, I think the prank is today, right?"

Sirius nodded, wondering why his conscience didn't know, "This afternoon."

"Well, wouldn't it be fun after you've pushed Malfoy into the lake, to fall in yourself?" Sirius frowned, trying to think of something wrong with this. The voice held its breath, and Sirius' face brightened. "OK!" He bundled out of the cupboard and tore off down the hallway. "Don't tell James!" yelled the voice after him.

A minute later, Lilly bundled out of the cupboard, crying with laughter. Her friend, Rebecca, was waiting there. Before Rebecca could say anything, Lilly stopped laughing (kind of). "It went great Bex!" she gasped, "He totally fell for the whole 'conscience' thing!"

"And what's he going to do?"

"They were going to prank Malfoy this afternoon…"

"You didn't stop them, did you? Aw, Lills, you spoil all the fun. I'd quite like to see that idiot pranked, actually."

"Shush, Bex. Anyway, I said, after he pushed Malfoy in, to fall in himself. And he just stood there and said 'OK'!" Both girls started laughing again.

That afternoon, as planned, Malfoy was pushed into the lake. The girls held their breath; would Sirius really be stupid enough to… SPLASH! Sirius had fallen in. The girls screamed with laughter. Everyone around the lake was laughing as well, but they were laughing the hardest.

Sirius emerged dripping wet from the lake to see the two girls laughing. Fresh tears of mirth came to their eyes to see his wet fury. They knew they would pay dearly, but that moment was worth it.

MM: If you want to trick a marauder, pick Sirius. He's the most gullible.

Sirius: Oy! James, what about Wormtail?

James: Oh, Ok, pick Sisius because all Peter will do is stutter and hide.

Pete: Oy!


	3. Jasme Pottre and Lill yEvans

**I own my evil biting rabbit of doom and some dog hairs. Nothing else. Not even Emo freckles. They belong to Olivia.**

**Jasme Pottre and Lill yEvans**

"Hello Moony!" Sirius sat next to Remus and began to read. Remus fell out of his chair in amazement.

"Sirius Black? Reading? I must be hallucinating!"

"You aren't, Moony. I'm reading a really good book about Jasme Pottre and Lill yEvans." It took a few seconds for Remus to work out what Sirius had said.

"Jasme Pottre! Padfoot, you're reading James' diary!"

"Yeah, I know. It's really good. Want to read a bit?"

"NO!" Lupin seemed torn between amusement and horror. "Sirius, put it away before James… too late."

James had just walked through the portrait hole, followed by Lilly Evans. Lilly was giving him a death stare. "ARGH! Lill yEvans!" James, well used to Sirius' theatrics, ignored him. "I must curse this Lill yEvans, who is taking our Prongsie away!"

"What? NO!" James jumped between Sirius and Lilly. "Padfoot, I-" James had noticed the small red and gold book clutched in Sirius' right hand. "You… you read my diary?" whispered James in a strangled voice, face going red.

"Well…" Remus could tell Sirius was worried. "I might have just taken a quick look at-" WHUMP! Sirius' world went black.

_**Three Days Later…**_

"I think he's coming round!" Sirius blinked sleepily and opened his eyes. The blurry form of Wormtail stood before him. He rubbed his eyes and Peter sharpened into focus. "Remus! Remus, he's awake!" Moony came running over.

"Sirius! How are you?" Sirius blinked at him.

"Ow. Wot?" was all he could manage.

"James hit you," explained Remus.

"We had to call McGonagall to get him off you!" squeaked Peter.

"OWWW!!"

MM: Trying to read your best friend's diary always leads to trouble.

**A/N Hey! I managed to get another chapter up! Hope you liked it. Now REVIEW PLEASE!**

**If you don't review I will be sad.**

**If I get sad I will become Emo.**

**If I am Emo, I will get Emo freckles like Olivia.**

**If I get Emo freckles, they will spread around the world.**

**If the whole world gets Emo freckles, everyone will die.**

**If everyone dies, there will be no one left to read Harry Potter.**

**If no one is left to read Harry Potter, J.K.Rowling will get sad in heaven.**

**If J.K.Rowling gets sad, she will become Emo.**

**If she gets Emo, she will get Emo Freckles like Olivia.**

**And so on and so forth.**

**SO REVIEW!**


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